Getting A Little Personal…Life Update

Some of you may have noticed that my posts became a bit sporadic lately. Today, I’m getting a little personal with all of you to explain why, and to offer a glimpse into my Real Life these past few weeks.

In my re-introduction post earlier this year, I revealed my struggle with my depression and anxiety, a struggle that has been with me since high school (which, if we’re all doing the math here, was more than a decade ago). Now, I’ll admit, I’ve never been officially diagnosed by a doctor. However, I am familiar with the signs and symptoms from my years of majoring in Psychology in college, and I had regular sessions with a campus counselor when things got really bad for me during my college years. 

Fast forward to my mid-twenties and I’ve now spent a big chunk of my life hiding a part of myself from family and friends, learning how to manage my mental health on my own, and relying heavily on my writing. What I couldn’t say out loud, I screamed in my poetry. For a while, this worked—that’s how I wrote my first poetry collection Glow Stick—but it’s getting harder and harder to do this on my own.

Before, I was able to write out everything I was feeling, to spill out the negative thoughts and carve words out of the shadows. Now, it takes every ounce of energy I have to get out of bed in the morning. Now, every morning that I open my eyes, my first thought is not “thank God I’m alive“, but it’s “Oh God, I have to do this again“. That’s how these past few weeks elapsed for me, that’s why I haven’t updated my blog or my social media with any new writing, and that’s why I’ve finally made the decision to seek professional help. After all, I can’t be a writer if I can’t write.

Just a couple shoutouts: first, to my best friends who regularly checked in on me (none of whom have blogs but I know they’re silent followers), and second, to Rosemarie of A Reading Writer, who also checked in on me earlier this week when she noticed my absence on Instagram (it truly was a nice surprise that meant a lot to me so thank you Rosema). 

Lastly, thank you to every single person who is reading this and has followed, read, and commented on this blog over the years. This blog has long been my safe space, largely in part to the wonderful blogging friends I’ve made over the years, the encouraging support I’ve received from you all, and the reminder that life is worth living. I hope you’re all doing well.

Update: [Poetry] Therapy

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40 thoughts on “Getting A Little Personal…Life Update

  1. Loved reading this, it’s so strong and moving. Takes a lot alot of courage to open up about personal experiences. Recently I just uploaded my first ever post and I’m super nervous about it, hope you could give it a read ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. Welcome to the blogging world! I hope you’re enjoying WordPress and that you’ve met lots of kind bloggers here ^_^

      Like

  2. Wishing you the very best. I’m sorry I haven’t been on WordPress, I’ve been absent and am finally back. I know exactly the feeling of depression and anxiety. That’s my reasons why I haven’t been posting. Lately, my depression and anxiety have been kicking in on me. Luckily, my girlfriend is there by me to talk things through. It’s not easy at all, but with the strong support of friends and family, I know things will be better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh wow, I had no idea you were dealing with the same things! They always say that so many of us are fighting these silent battles, but sometimes it takes discovering that a friend has been going through the same struggles to really put it into perspective how common this is. I wish you the best in your fight against depression and anxiety, Charlie, and I’m glad to hear your gf is there to help you. I agree, the support of those we love and who love us can take us so far. I hope to check in with you soon and hope to hear then that we’re still fighting! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad to know that you and I, are not alone. This depression & anxiety is a real struggle and a fight I think we’re all fighting against.

        Here’s a song I think will cheer us up enough though at times its tough.

        Nine Inch Nails – Only

        Hope you enjoy. Let me know your thoughts. I love Nine Inch Nails, my favorite band in the world. They got me through middle school and high school.

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  3. Thanks so much for sharing, My Dear!! Yes, I think you are wise to seek professional help, however I would also encourage you to do some research on natural remedies that have worked for others. Sometimes an imbalance can be found and adjusted? Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Dear Jade!!
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I thought of you while I was away. Thank you for opening up and communicating with us. Your health comes first and I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. Take care of yourself, my friend. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jade, there is a certain sensitivity that accompanies those who suffer, and I have noted that in you. I too have walked with depression since adolescence (now 60) and can say that isn’t something you just ‘shake’. Kudos to you for recognizing it (half the battle) and for your honesty in coming forth. Take care of yourself, and thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. you are very brave to share this my Jade. Just this one step is a step towards healing, it won’t be easy or quick but know we are all behind you. we love you and hold you close to our hearts. such a precious soul, you are to many of us. i just want to sit on silence with you and channel peace to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my dear Gina, your words and friendship mean so much to me. Thank you for your kindness that truly stretches across the oceans! I feel you here and for that I am grateful 💜 I hope to return to this blog and to catching up on your posts soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s hard when you got depression. It’s like a silent battle and even you can articulate what you are feeling a lot of the time. But it is great that you admit that you are down. It’s something I’ve battled for a while and I saw a psychologist who helped put some things into perspective. These days it is depression comes up every now and then, hand in hand with anxiety. I think focusing on what you like doing helps – but even then it can be hard. Thank you for speaking up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. You word it quite well, in that this is a silent battle, and sometimes we just need to talk to someone to help us put things into perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Mabel 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Depression is very hard to deal with, Jade. I’m not a depressive person or have depression problems. I did struggle for many years when I had a difficult relationship. I could feel my whole body was dragging. I have a family member who has clinical depression problem. It’s not easy to deal with.

    I hope you’l find what works for you and take care of yourself. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh my dear Jade. I am grateful for you opening up to us and letting us inside your mind and heart. This is bravery at its finest. While you are thankful for me checking up on you, I am actually indebted that you replied to me. Sadly, I am checking up with my bestfriend from college since I moved out of the country and she is ignoring me. I am worried about her but I cannot do anything, because she is not responding. You don’t know how much it meant to me when you answered. Please know that I am here for you, not physically, I cannot hug you or tap your back but I am here, dearie. I know you are bravest. I know that you can go past this and be a shining Glow Stick!!! ❤ Love you tons!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so sorry to hear that your friend is ignoring you, my dear Rosema. Something I’ve learned from my past friendships is that you can never make someone stay or reply. You can only put yourself out there and meet them halfway, and if they choose not to meet you halfway, that is not your fault. I hope you know you are a wonderful person with such a beautiful heart, but sometimes you just can’t be there for everyone. Sending you much love and hugs! 💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m glad you’re communicating, which is half the battle. I know from my past career as a professional counselor that depression is very treatable. I strongly encourage you to seek out a psychologist or counselor to help you manage your mood difficulties. There are also support groups where you can meet with others like you. Intellectually, you probably know you’re not alone, but sometimes it helps to actually have that confirmed in the flesh.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi James, thank you for sharing your experience as a counselor. Thank you for your kind words and advice. Like I said in the post, I feel it’s time I finally seek some professional help, so I’m currently working on it. I hope to return to my blog soon and to catch up on your posts!

      Like

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