Sometimes life gets in the way,
Sometimes it’s just me.
Sometimes I blink
—and in the blink of an eye—
A day fades to many.
Loud voices that quiet to whispers,
Vivid hues that dull to grey,
And always a sense of something missing
Something lost and gone astray.
But never, it seems, can I forget,
Never can I ignore,
The empty page,
The growing itch,
The voices that implore.
Sometimes I lose my way
And everything comes out wrong.
Sometimes I vow never to come back,
Like this isn’t where I belong.
But it’s here that I found solace
It’s here I watched fears burn.
It’s here I learned
To unlock the doors,
And it’s here I will always return.
© 2020 Jade M. Wong
From my debut poetry collection, Glowstick
Every year, my birthday brings a new wave of existential crisis. This year, I tried to get ahead of the wave with lots of mental and physical cleaning, positive reminders, and relaxation. Alas, it was not enough and I spent the last couple weeks of October trying not to drown.
I stopped writing, I shut myself off, and I clung onto whatever shred of joy I could find to keep me afloat. Forget living, I just needed to survive. What I ended up holding onto was a sweet, fantasy Chinese drama that delivered a romantic escape and a happy ending. Yes, Eternal Love of Dream is just a TV show, but it made me smile and feel like life wasn’t so bad, if I had those episodes to look forward to.
Now, the wave has passed, and I am still here. Back to writing, back to trying, back to where I belong. I hope you are still here too.